Oops! I forgot to keep up with my blog entries!

2012 has been full of many life changes for me and this blog has been neglected as a result. To catch up with recent events, first our next Art and Science of Love Couples Workshop is scheduled for Saturday, October 27th and Sunday, October 28th in Santa Rosa, CA. We still have space, but early registration ends after October 6th. Please encourage any couples who are struggling or that just want to enhance their relationship to attend. To register for the workshop please visit: http://sonomacouplesworkshops.com/sCW_registration.php


Also, John Gottman, Ph.D. recently released a new book, What Makes Love Last?, that is worth checking out. For a preview check out this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh4oalnHedM&feature=autoplay&list=UUnT1R08f7FHLab3nB4f0AGQ&playnext=1

And, both Marcia Gomez and I attended a training over the past weekend with Dan Wile, Ph.D. His approach is very complementary to the Gottman Method and we strongly recommend that couples check out his book, After the Honeymoon. Here is a link to some reviews of the book on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/After-Honeymoon-Conflict-Improve-Relationship-Revised/product-reviews/0979563909/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Here is to a good rest of 2012.

Regards, Mike Basta

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

I found this image of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on the internet and thought that I would take the opportunity to post it along with a brief video that I did with the now defunct TV 50 in our Sonoma Couples Workshop office in Santa Rosa a couple of years ago.

For those of you that do not know about John Gottman's research on couples relationships, this clip will give you an introduction into the importance of the "Four Horsemen" as predictors of relationship failure. Although Dr. Gottman identified these behaviors through the rigorous study of  troubled couples, he has pointed out that these behaviors are indicative of trouble in any relationship, including that of friendships, work-based groups, parents and children, etc...

The good news is that with work we are able to change these behaviors by practicing their "antidotes". To learn more, view our website: sonomacouplesworkshops.com

Dr. John Gottman on Anderson Cooper's Show

Dr. John Gottman was recently a guest on Anderson Cooper's show. Click the link to view:

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/04/18/gottman-four-negative-patterns-that-predict-divorce/?goback=%2Egde_2468196_member_109083863

Marriage and Money Problems

For many couples finances are a source of significant conflict. Given the ongoing troublesome state of our economy, even couples that have previously collaborated well regarding finances may be having increasing conflicts around finances. I have attached a link from the New York Times regarding couples and finances because it raises some important points http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/31/your-money/marriage-maintenance-when-money-is-tight.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&nl=your-money&emc=your-moneyema2_20120402

However, my impression is that the communication techniques proposed in the article unfortunately seem overly simplistic. First of all, it is advised that couples resolve arguments about finances so that they do not come up again unproductively. This will be difficult for many couples given that 69% of couples relationship problems have been shown to be perpetual (meaning unresolvable). If issues around finances happen to be a problem of the perpetual variety for a given couple, conflict resolution and problem solving techniques likely will be ineffective for them. Instead, learning ways to have collaborative conversations about the deeper meanings of money will more likely help the couple disengage from conflict and be able to form tentative compromises. Secondly, Hendrix' mirroring communication exercises are suggested for a partner listening to difficult communication about finances from the other partner. Although this can be helpful, it should be noted that reflective listening techniques tend to not be helpful if the speaker is not mindfully managing how he/she brings up the issue, and how the couple collaboratively manages the potential escalation of each partner's physiology (using self-soothing as an antidote to flooding/fight-flight responses).

If these ideas (stemming from Gottman's research) interest you, please review our website www.sonomacouplesworkshops.com and consider signing up for a workshop with your partner.

Mike Basta

Level One Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Marcia Gomez, LCSW and I will be offering this two day training for clinicians on Friday, May 11 and Saturday, May 12th at the Angela Center in Santa Rosa, CA. Participants will receive 12 CEU's, a 300 page clinical manual with the primary intervention and assessment tools used in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and will learn the fundamentals of this effective approach based upon John Gottman's seminal research on couples. For more information go to: http://sonomacouplesworkshops.com/sCW_professionaltraining.php

Michael Basta, LCSW

Representative Maureen Walsh on Gay Marriage

As psychotherapists we agree to uphold ethical standards which promote the acceptance of the individual differences of the clients that we serve. However, as a group, we psychotherapists tend to shy away from political stances that may alienate our clientele. I do not wish to alienate anyone based upon their religious beliefs or values, however, I have to say that I was inspired to post this video of a Republican state senator who was involved in the recently passed state legislation approving gay marriage in Washington State.

Michael Basta, L.C.S.W.