Our Next Gottman Art and Science of Love Couples Workshop: Nov 8 & 9 Sonoma Couples Workshops has scheduled its next Gottman Art and Science of Love Workshop on Saturday and Sunday, November 8th and 9th in Jenner, CA on the beautiful Sonoma coast. We are excited to be offering this time tested workshop for couples at Casa Panama. This is a new venue for us which offers an intimate setting with views of the Russian River and Pacific Ocean. Breakfast and lunch will be included in the registration fee. For more information please visit: sonomacouplesworkshops.com Please contact us with questions to: info@sonomacouplesworkshops.com or call us at (707) 332-8629.
Our next Art and Science of Love couples workshop is scheduled for the weekend of May 31st and June 1st in Santa Rosa. We will be at the Flamingo Hotel for the second time. The venue worked out really well the last time. There is plenty of room for couples to take space to have private conversations when doing communication exercises. The pool looked like fun and should be really appealing on that particular weekend. It may be hard to stay out during the workshop. Please visit our website for more information:
Couples with smart phones can now download helpful apps by searching for Gottman in the app store. However, as the following video demonstrates, there are limits to technology in the quest to help couples get along better. The following is not for the faint of heart.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
We want to announce that we are are happy to be offering both Gottman Level One and Level Two Training for couples therapists this year. Both workshops will be offered in Santa Rosa, CA. Level One is scheduled for Friday, April 4th and Saturday, April 5th. Level Two is scheduled for Thursday, September 4th through Sunday, September 7th. For more information please visit:
The following is an endorsement from a participant from our most recent (10/19 and 10/20) Art and Science of Love Workshop in Sonoma. Dr. Sarkisian also took the above photo of us that day.
The Gottman workshop presented by Michael Basta and Marcia Gomez, LCSW’s, has been (and is) profound, challenging and life-changing. The issues we face in our relationships can be addressed in healthy ways that nourish growth and foster healing. Everyone engaged in a relationship should attend, and if you’re fortunate to have Marcia and Michael as your presenters, you will experience two of the most approachable, transparent and dynamic marriage therapists ever, jointly bringing years and years of helping troubled couples navigate their way through the trials, traps and turbulence encountered on the high seas of disharmony and dysfunction. The best part? Hope. And optimism. And the rock-solid tools (no more sense of helplessness) that will help build, re-build or strengthen an existing relationship. Rick Sarkisian, Ph.D.
Here is another thought about the aforementioned Stress Reducing Conversation. The purpose of this practice is to help a couple support each other in the management of external stresses (i.e. stresses from work, conflicts with friends or neighbors, the daily commute, etc...). When done well, each partner is able to feel validated and supported by the other on a daily basis. The practice becomes a "ritual of connection" in the language of Dr. Bill Doherty.
I introduced the idea to a couple and they sent me a link to an episode of Seinfeld to let me know how difficult they thought it would be for them to practice the Stress Reducing Conversation. They said "You want us to have the Kramer conversation?" After viewing the link I said, "No, I want you to have the Anti-Kramer Conversation." Here it is:
One of the key skills that we teach couples in the Art and Science of Love Workshop is the Stress Reducing Conversation. The root of the practice is Dr. John Gottman's response to an unanticipated outcome from the two year follow-up study on the effectiveness of Behavioral Couples Therapy done by his friend, the late Dr. Neil Jacobson. Although none of the communication skills that Dr. Jacobson taught couples through his Behavioral Couples Therapy approach persisted at two year follow-up, a large number of the couples in his study that maintained gains in therapy independently reported that they were better able to manage "external stress" as a couple. Dr. Jacobson chose not to do anything with this finding, but Dr. Gottman found the finding interesting and created a daily ritual for couples to discuss their daily stresses called The Stress Reducing Conversation.
One of the key skills involved in the successful practice of the Stress Reducing Conversation is to listen and "validate" the emotions of one's partner while suspending the impulse to give advice. Thus Gottman's motto: "Understanding must precede advice". This is easier said than done for some of us. Many people believe that we men tend to have a more difficult time with this skill than do women, although many women have argued that they also struggle with withholding advice. For example, the mothers of teenagers have told me that they find this particularly difficult to do with their teenagers. Thanks to our colleague, Kevin Russell, MFT, here is a video to demonstrate how hard it can be to bite our tongues with our partners when the urge to give advice arises.
