OUR NEXT ART AND SCIENCE OF LOVE WORKSHOP: NOVEMBER 7 & 8

We have been providing the Art and Science of Love Workshop, developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman since 2008. The workshop is based upon the research and clinical excellence of these two highly accomplished psychologists. We follow the curriculum as developed by the Gottman's and add our own experiences as couples therapists and master trainers and consultants for the Gottman Institute. We have been encouraged by the feedback of past workshop participants to continue to include our spouses in the presentation of the tools/skills that we are part of the Art and Science of Love. We believe that we are in the same boat as all couples struggling to have lasting/loving relationships, so we take the risk to expose ourselves by demonstrating how to use tools/skills in live conversations with our spouses. This is not particularly comfortable, but it seems to be the best way to teach Gottman principles. If you are in a committed relationship and either struggling or just interested in improving your relationship, please consider joining our workshop. Visit www.sonomacouplesworkshops.com for more information.

Regards, Michael Basta, LCSW and Marcia Gomez, LCSW

Our Next Couples Workshop: June 6 &7

Next Workshop in Sonoma County: June 6 and 7, 2015.

We believe that at least two things make our Gottman Art and Science of Love Couples Workshop unique. First, we include our spouses in the presentation of workshop material. Specifically, we demonstrate couples communication exercises through the use of real life material with our spouses. Marcia and her husband, Mario, and Mike and his wife, Robynne, show participants how to use many of the skills from the workshop curriculum through these live demonstrations. This is not easy and takes some courage, but we believe that it helps participants to get the idea that all couples share common concerns and can use these effective skills to improve communication, conflict management, and emotional connection.

Secondly, on the second day of the workshop we offer an optional and complimentary partner yoga class during the lunch hour. Therese Smith, MFT, who is a gifted yoga instructor, and Mike's wife, Robynne, a long time practitioner of yoga, teach this class to all interested couples. We find that the couples that choose this option are generally calmer and better emotionally connected as they take on the challenges of the afternoon on the second day of the workshop, which is dedicated to conflict management.

Finally, we have recently decided to open ourselves up to the world of Yelp and are now listed there. Please feel free to view our business on Yelp: http://www.yelp.com/biz/sonoma-couples-workshops-santa-rosa-3 to learn more about our workshops.

Michael Basta, LCSW and Marcia Gomez, LCSW
Sonoma Couples Workshops

Falling in Love

FALLING IN LOVE



I read this article in the New York Times today titled To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This, regarding the process of falling in love by Mandy Len Catron (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html?_r=0 ). She references a 20 year old study by psychologist, Arthur Aron that developed a procedure for making two people fall in love in a laboratory. Being a Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I of course immediately drew parallels in my mind to Dr. John Gottman's Love Lab, which developed remarkable findings on the factors that destroy love and those that help make it last.

It is this passage from Ms. Catron's article that resonates most strongly with me as a Gottman Therapist:

"Most of us think about love as something that happens to us. We fall. We get crushed.

But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action."

In Gottman's research, he found that master couples build "lovemaps", meaning cognitive maps of who their partner is, their partner's likes/dislikes, hopes/fears, best and worst memories, etc... During courtship, as with Dr. Aron's procedures to "make" a couple fall in love, Gottman found that partners ask open-ended questions of each other (like "Would you like to be famous? In what way?" or "What would constitute a perfect day for you?"). Gottman also found that in long term relationships couples often get out of this habit and find themselves asking mainly close-ended questions (such as "did you pay the plumber?"). Gottman noted that master couples tend to have strong "lovemaps" supported by ongoing curiosity about each other and open-ended questioning.

In Ms. Catron's article, she also notes the power of hearing compliments from one's partner and wonders why people don't go about their business by complimenting each other as a matter of course because it feels so good. In fact, Gottman noted from his research that it is also characteristic of master couples to have strong "fondness and admiration" and "a culture of appreciation". Gottman also noted that another characteristic of master couples is that the partners "turn towards" each other's bids for attention, play, affection, advice, and intimacy (among other things) about 85% of the time, while "disaster" couples do so only about a third of the time.

Again, Ms. Catron notes that "love is an action". In Gottman terms, to have a strong friendship and a well funded "emotional bank account", a couple must:

1) Build lovemaps.
2) Develop fondness and admiration.
3) Turn towards each other's bids

In other words, to build love, action is necessary. To learn more about Gottman's research and it's application to couples, visit our website: http://sonomacouplesworkshops.com/ and consider taking one of our Art and Science of Love couples workshops.

Michael Basta, LCSW

Our Workshops Are Now at Sally Tomatoes

We are excited to report that our 2015 Art and Science of Love Couples Workshops will be held at the Sally Tomatoes/Sonoma Mountain Event Center.

This will be the eighth year that we have offered Gottman's Art and Science of Love Workshop for couples in the Sonoma wine country. We continue to believe in the power of this workshop to help couples become better friends and learn to manage conflict better. Our confidence in the workshop is based upon the positive response of our participants in addition to Gottman's strong positive outcome research findings. 

We will again be offering the workshop three times this year: 
February 28/March 1
June 6 and 7 
November 7 and 8. 

We believe that we have found the ideal location for our workshops in the heart of beautiful Sonoma County. The facility is both accessible and private: close to freeway access, lodging, and dining, yet in a beautiful country setting. It offers both indoor and outdoor spaces for couples to complete workshop exercises privately. 

We encourage all couples interested in improving their relationship to attend. For more information about our workshops please visit http://sonomacouplesworkshops.com/ and for more information about Sally Tomatoes please visit http://www.sallytomatoes.com/ .

Happy 2015, Michael Basta, LCSW and Marcia Gomez, LCSW
Sonoma Couples Workshops